


Find Their Faces in the Looking Glass

by chillydown



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mirror Universe, Mirrorverse, brief mention of vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22452016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chillydown/pseuds/chillydown
Summary: Caleb, Beau, Fjord and Yasha are confronted with what they could have been. Their friends try to help comfort them.No spoilers past Episode 87.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Caduceus Clay & Yasha, Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett, Nott & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	Find Their Faces in the Looking Glass

"Do you want to talk about it?" Nott asked, after a long pause.

"Talk about what?" Caleb responded, not taking his eyes off from the fire. He knew he was supposed to be on watch. But his mind was everywhere except where it was supposed to be. Staring at the fire and making sure the flames burned out safely at least kept his mind somewhat off of the matter Nott wanted to talk to him about. Not fully, of course. But he knew it wouldn't fully leave his mind for a while.

"That spell that hit you, Fjord, Yasha, and Beau. The one the Kryn mage cast and knocked you out for half an hour. He said something about 'showing you your past potential.'" She paused for a moment, hand twitching. Caleb knew that expression: that was the expression of someone who desperately wanted a drink before continuing the conversation. "I'm not as smart when it comes to magic as you are, but I think that spell used dunamancy."

"It did," Caleb said, almost under his breath. For all that Nott tended to downplay how smart she was compared to him, she was so much smarter than she realized.

"Well?" She continued, a little insistent. "Fjord said he saw something. What did you see?"

There was a long pause before Caleb admitted, "I saw myself. But different."

"Different how?"

The Caleb Widogast he saw stood taller. His hair was cut, styled in a manner that Caleb recognized as military protocol. He wore robes of the Soltryce Academy, though Caleb knew the crystal scars and burn marks still lay underneath. He somehow seemed more and less worn and scarred than Caleb himself did: scars from combat, not from multiple years on the road.

But it was the biggest difference between the two that scared him the most. The one he learned as the other Caleb talked with him, explaining what he was and what he could have been, the potential Caleb could have had if he remained with the Scourgers. After all, the other Caleb said, Ikithon was right. We're better than those people. And we're powerful enough to keep them in line.

"He seemed proud of what he did," Caleb said, trying desperately to keep the horror out of his voice. "He was smiling."

\---

"Beeeeeeeau. Beau, I know you aren't sleeping. Wake uuuuup."

Even if she was asleep, Jester's surprisingly forceful poke in Beau's side would have woken her up instantly. She stopped feigning sleep and sat upright, simultaneously relieved and annoyed for the distraction. She had to squint to see Jester. The fire looked like it had gone out hours ago. It was...what, midnight? It was the middle of the night at least. "What's up?" Beau asked.

"Right, I know that we all agreed we'd let you sleep cause you got really beaten up by that wizard earlier, but Nott and I were talking and she said that Caleb said he saw something in the spell-" Almost instantly Beau's face turned pale. Fuck you Nott, fuck you Caleb for saying this to Nott, she knew exactly where this conversation was going and really didn't want to have it right now. And ESPECIALLY didn't want to have it with Jester, who seemed oblivious to Beau's discomfort. "-but it wasn't really a something, it was more of a someone. Caleb says that he saw himself but it was a weird bad sort of version of himself. Did you see that?"

"Yeah," Beau admitted. A weird bad sort of version of herself was one way to put it. The Beau that talked to her seemed hardened, callous in ways that Beau couldn't picture herself being. It's no use getting close to people like this, the other Beau said. Cause guess what, they'll let you down, screw you over, or die defiant in front of you. Might as well just focus on making yourself happy. And if that means fucking over a few people for the hell of it then sure, why not. They probably deserve it.

"But it wasn't weird like...like she had four heads or something like that. That Beau in the spell was like me, but before I met all of you guys. I was a real piece of shit then."

"But you got unshitty," Jester chimed in, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. At those words, Beau's defiant discomfort remained, but started to lessen somewhat. Beau briefly wondered how Jester had this magic power to make her feel so much better by saying four simple words, one of which was 'unshitty.'

"I'm still kind of shitty," Beau admitted. There were still days when she felt like an impostor, like any moment the Cobalt Soul would realize their mistake and kick her out.

"Pffft, nooooope. I think that if you think you're shitty, then you can't be shitty. It's only the really shitty people that think they're not shitty at all."

It was an axiom that made perfect sense. And yet, there was something about it that stuck in Beau's mind.

"Wait. You're not a shitty person. So if people who aren't shitty think that they're shitty, does that mean that you think you're shitty?"

There was a very awkward pause where Beau could easily tell Jester had heard the question and was going through fifty different possible responses to find the best one to not answer the question. Somehow that was the most reassuring pause Beau had heard all day.

"Forget about it," Beau said, with a little wave of her hand. And because she didn't want to see Jester paralyzed in this state of confusion forever, she changed the topic. "Hey, I saw you write something in the back of that library book. Was it porn?"

"It was TOTALLY porn."

"D'you mind telling me about it?"

\---

For the first time in ages, Fjord woke up with bile in his throat. Fortunately, it wasn't seawater. Unfortunately, it was the contents of his supper, which he promptly vomited in a nearby bush.

"Oh geez," Fjord heard that deep voice say. He spun around, wiping a little bit of vomit off of his lips to see Caduceus, bathed in the glow of the rising sun. Huh. It was earlier than Fjord thought. "That bad, huh?"

"Yes," Fjord responded, a little hesitantly. Caduceus had to know what happened. Somehow, the firbolg had a way of seeing past your defenses, of figuring out things about yourself that you wouldn't want to admit. And that Kryn must have said something while Fjord was dealing with himself. Even if he didn't, Fjord knew he gave the game away. The others might not have realized what they went through, but Caduceus was...well, Caduceus. Of course he knew.

He just didn't know how much Caduceus knew. And honestly, Fjord didn't know if he wanted to fill his friend in on all the details or not.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Caduceus asked.

Well, they were cutting right to the heart of the matter. Did he want to talk about the version of himself that the mage had shown and that haunted his dreams that night. A Fjord that seemed less physically strong but was brimming with magical power. The gem of Uk'otoa glimmered in his hand as the other Fjord scoffed at the Wildmother, showed what he could do, whispered possibilities and potentials into Fjord's ear. But it wasn't the power that scared him the most. It was the confidence. That Fjord seemed so sure of himself in a way that Fjord didn't know he could ever feel.

And so, Fjord shook his head. "...not particularly. Later, perhaps. But not now."

"I understand," Caduceus said, with a nod. He turned back to look at the sunrise, talking all the while. "But I've gotta at least say this. Whatever you saw back there? It wasn't you. And it's not going to ever be you. And sure, it could've been you a while back, but you're not that Fjord anymore. I don't think she would have chosen you if you were."

"How did you...never mind," Fjord trailed off, with a little sigh. "I did say I didn't want to talk about it. But thank you."

A small expression of surprise crossed Caduceus's face, as if he had just gotten confirmation that he said the right thing. Which was ridiculous, in Fjord's mind. When did Caduceus not say the right thing. "You're welcome. Now c'mon up here. Let's watch the sunrise."

\---

Yasha didn't talk about it with the others. She didn't need to. She saw that Nott was fussing over Caleb, that Jester seemed particularly close to Beau this morning, and that Fjord seemed to act as Caduceus’s unintentional shadow. Good. She was a bit worried about everybody else. But it looked like everybody was doing fine.

She awkwardly poked at her omelette. Caduceus had made breakfast this morning. It was odd and Yasha didn't know if it was something he normally did and she wasn't entirely sure where he got some of the ingredients, but it was warm and tasted nice. She looked up to see Caduceus standing in front of her, as if he knew she was thinking about it.

"Enjoying the omelette?"

"Ah, yes," Yasha responded. As if to prove her point, she took a bite. "It's very good," said through a mouth full of omelette.

"Oh that's nice," Caduceus lazily said, as he gave Yasha a little nod. "I don't normally make this much breakfast when we're on the road, but everybody was so rattled yesterday that I thought sure, why not."

"Well, ah, thank you."

"You're welcome." There was a pause before he continued. "I'm always up for listening if you wanna talk about it. People say I'm a good listener."

He didn't have to say what they would talk about for Yasha to know. She knew Caduceus was talking about that spell. And so, she simply shook her head.

"Nah. I've...I know she won't be me." After all, the Yasha that she saw reminded her so much of her time with Obann. Bloodthirsty, uncaring, someone who callously hurt her friends, who might still be under that demon’s control. It was a Yasha that she knew she was already once before. A Yasha that she knew she wouldn’t be ever again.

"That's nice." It was said in that same lazy tone that Caduceus said most of his sentences, but Yasha could detect something else behind the words. It almost sounded like he was proud of her? Which was weird, but appreciated. She liked that tone of voice. It made her feel cozy.

"Yeah," she responded, with a small smile on her face. "It is nice."

The two of them settled into an understood silence as they watched the rest of the group chatter away.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a fail-fandomanon prompt, 100 words of Mirrorverse. The Yasha scene is an exclusive that I added on as a little coda because she wasn't in the ffa fill + I wanted to give her some love. Caduceus shows up with two characters because he is best boy.


End file.
